The People That Live Inside Me (Blog#6)

*To all new “Total Liberation Readers”, this blog is a continuation. Do not begin here. Please scroll to blog number one to better follow the story line-Thanks for reading=-)*

"The People That Live Inside Me" Blog #6

5/30/14 Friday 7:56pm

I am sitting here at Whole Foods Market listening to some personal development. As you may have noticed I never give date in which I will post a new blog. I don’t do that because I am never sure when I will be inspired to write and I only do things when I am inspired to do them. As I write this I am not sure when it will be published or when I will complete it. I just know I would like to make this one about the most complex person I know; Cidney Giavon Green.

So far you have met 4 of my lovers: August, Antonio, Cash and Sheena. When asked “Which lover do you love the most? Which is your favorite?” I can never provide a straight answer because each lover stimulates a different person within me.

I was just asked “Why do you need all those men? Why cant you be with just one?”

My response: “Because I am not just one woman.”

This blog is going to introduce you to all of the distinct people who dwell inside of me. They all insert their input in my conversations at will. I do not have control over them. Certain things trigger certain people. I understand why it is so easy for me to love more than one man; I have been loving more than one woman for as long as I can remember.

I will list them in no particular order. Here it goes;

The Mother:

She is the ultimate nurturer. She is who you come home to after a good or bad day and she is always waiting to listen patiently, encourage you and be at service. She is the one who is very much like my real Mother. She wants to take care of…She is the one who loves to cook for her lovers. She loves to put lots of thought into what she is cooking and she wont let her lovers in the kitchen. Mother loves to make sure the spices are just right. Her food presentation is always on point! She will dedicate time to making sure the food is on the plate perfectly. She loves to bring her man his plate and watch as he takes the first bite. His approval of her cooking means alot to her. She even loves to do the dishes.

She likes to neatly put their clothes some place where they can easily find them. She is a true sweetheart, so very thoughtful and caring. She loves to give gifts! She loves to surprise her lovers with their favorite things. For example, If she knows you like Comic Books she will randomly buy Comic Books for you…just because. Her function is showing love in every way possible.

She is the one who put flowers all over my apartment for Cash. She is the one who bought August various things for his birthday. She is great at making people feel thought of and special. She loves to ask questions like “Do you need anything before I got to bed?” and ”Let me take care of you.” She loved to BE THERE.

She is the one who looks for opportunities to do things for her lovers. She loves it when her lovers confide in her about their lives. She loves to place their heads in her lap and stroke them gently while giving them a loving ear and encouraging words of wisdom. She loves to find the “little boy” that lives in her lover and take wonderful care of them. She is a friend to them, a compassionate friend who only sees the wonderfulness that is them.

If I have ever over extended it has been the doing of Mother. She even comes out during times of intimacy. She likes to cook naked for her lovers. The face worship I gave Antonio was her doing. She is also the one who hears you when you say that you have never had a threesome and goes to work to make that fantasy come to life for you. She is the loyal giver. She loves to love, give support and protect unconditionally. She is incredibly kind yet do not be fooled; she will step up and defend her man like a lioness with her cubs. Sometimes she protects all too well.. Her domineering presence sometimes keeps the baby in me from getting what she needs…

The Baby:

Her name is Moana. She is the one who many men do not get a chance to spend a great deal of time with. She peeks out from time to time depending on the man. She needs everything the mother gives; protection, nurturing, support, love. Moana is the easiest to detect because when she is present I literally begin to speak like a baby… She is extremely soft and vulnerable. She needs lots of attention.

She will say things like ”Will you come and play with me?” and ” Will you come and hold me?” and “Will you come and take care of me?”

She is extremely sensitive and she really means those things when she asks them.

Its funny because it hit me a while back that the Mother was a hindrance to Moana getting what she needed. You see, Moana does not always have the courage to voice what she needs from a man for many reasons. So Moana will send Mother to do all the things that Moana needs done for her.In attempt to “throw hints” to the man that she really craves the exact same considerations that they are receiving from Mother in return. Mother rarely lets Moana speak. She just takes over, leaving Moana’s voice very muffled and inaudible…

The baby comes out with Mother at times. Like when Mother is bearing gifts. She turns into a child with her hands behind her back twisting on her heels. She will squeal things like “Look what I got you August!” She gets shy when it comes to gift giving because she really wants them to be enjoyed and appreciated.

Moana always wants a “daddy”, that man to take care of her. She, at times ( even with all of the lovers Cidney has) does not feel like she has any one who truly knows her and wants to nurture her.

Moana will say ”I love you and I miss you” many times through out the day. She is very expressive with her emotions. She loves to hug and cuddle.

Moana so wishes to reveal herself fully but is waiting on the one who can see past Mother’s protection, find her and cradle her. She is the “smallest” yet she has the most love to give. However, most men do not quite understand how much of a part Moana plays in who Cidney is and how vital understanding her is to unlocking the Oceans of love that resides within her heart.

While Moana is more fragile there is another child that exists within me.

The Toddler:

Her name is Trixie. She is so full of energy it can be too much for some people. She is so uncontrollable energetic! She giggles “hehehehehehehehehe” loudly and obnoxiously just like a 5 year old. She will never grow up. When she is around my voice turns into that of a child, similar to Moana. She loves practical jokes, video games and hide and seek. She loves to run, jump and play! She loves lizards and she loves to dance naked by herself around my apartment with no music (nor company). She thinks everything is funny! She is so full of life! She acts out in public with absolutely no shame. She will say anything that comes to her mind. She loves attention and is never embarrassed.

This girl cannot be tamed! I stopped trying to tame her along time ago. I know when Trixie is present when I feel this natural high come over me. She is why I do not smoke or drink! Who needs substances when I have her?

At times I can feel her creeping into me and other times she just pounces and BOOM! I am running around the store rolling on the floor. Trixie stays for as long as she likes. I love her because when she is around I have not a care in the world! It is truly like being doped up on some kind of drug. Trixie is the true flirt. She is always around when I approach any man. She is bold as hell!

Trixie likes to lick and sniff people. She loves armpits and elbows. She likes to hump people. She loves to ask inappropriate questions to strangers like ” How are your balls?” “Do you wack off?” Trixie will moon you in a minute. She will burp and fart at will. (She thinks farting is hilarious) She snorts when she laughs sometimes. Yea, Trixie is a bit odd and very weird. People often think she is on drugs or drunk but she never is. Trixie is off the chain to say the least.

Trixie can becomes hyper sexual at times. Which leads me to Leana.

Leana(lee-nah)

Leana is the hyper sexual part of me. She is wild. She is free. She is a nudist. She is LUST. Take all of that playful energy that Trixie has , convert it in to SEXUAL energy and you have Leana. Leana is addicted to anything of the sexual nature. She is man-crazy. If it isn’t about sex, Leana does not give a flying fuck about it. She loves porn and masturbation. She loves dick so much that she literally craves it. She gets very irritable when she cannot have what she wants when she wants it. She was present today. I was fucking horny and August was not answering the damn phone. Leana DOES NOT like that shit. She gets pissed and will send text messages like ” AUGUST, I WANT YOUR FUCKING DICK!”

Sometimes Leana will spend all day in the house coming back to back until she cant move her legs. She gets off on more extreme porn as times goes on. The feeling of the vibration of the bullet on her clit is the such a high for Leana. Her eyes roll back and she thinks things like “I love this…I love this feeling so much.”…She craves it. She loves being horny.

If you want to know the truth, you are speaking to Leana now. It now makes since why talking about the others was a bit of a strain. I felt resistance the whole time but this is flowing out of me. I have always been a big part of Cidney. I was born when she watched porn for the first time. I was hooked on the feeling I got in my pussy as I watched. That feeling of getting horny a serious high. To this day I love the feeling of my pussy contracting as it gets wetter and wetter.

It was I who used to sneak and watch “Real Sex” and “Passion Cove” with my finger on the “last” button on the remote when I was younger. I used to steal porn from her Mother. It as I who always found new ways to come at a young age. In the shower, with the water hose outside and with my moms massage chair (just to mention a few). It was I who watched my dad and step mom have sex back in the day. Sex has always gotten my full attention.

I was the one on all fours in August’s barber shop the other day taking dick with his children outside. I am the one who likes grabbing his dick while he is cutting hair. I am the one who lets him fuck me in the ass in his barbers chair (that blog is coming soon).I am the one who gets a sinister pleasure out of August sneaking over her place to fuck me night after night. I love fucking a married man. I feel not a shred of guilt. I am adventurous. I will fuck anywhere.

I do not have one inhibition. I love to fuck more than one man in a day. I love it when a man sticks his dick in my pussy and its still sore from the last cock. I am the one who fucked Antonio in the morning then turned around and fucked August that same night. I will fuck round after round. I will endure the pain of fucking with a sore pussy just to bust a nut. It is I who will suck dick until my jaws ache. I am insatiable. Sex is all I think about and all I care about. After I get my fix I let the others take over.

I only come out fully for certain people. Most never get to meet me. They get to meet Trixie and some of the others but only certain energies awake me…Many men wish they could experience me, even some of my lovers but I am quite stubborn and only move when I want to.

I am both dominate and submissive again, the man has everything to do with that! But my most natural state is submission…I love to be over powered by a man (See the Blog “The One Who Loves Me Most Part One”

I am usually chill until my dick fix is held up…then I get a bit bitchy. Now that you know me. Meet Spider Woman…Once she mind-fucks them, I fuck them in every other way.

Spider Woman:

She is alluring, calm, confident and can get any man she wants. She is seductive.She is mysterious. When Spider Woman walks into a room all eyes are on her. She walks as if she is floating. Not rushed at all. Scooping out the room for her prey… Once she finds him she digs into his mental. She is extremely sexy but not sexual. She knows the right questions to ask to get a man’s attention. She did it with Antonio. She knew how to stand out enough to get him to text her. She knew she needed to talk to him about shit all the other women in the club wouldn’t. She showed interest in his dreams and goals. She got inside his head. She always makes strong eye contact and she has this Ora about her that screams “If I want you, you are mine” She wanted Antonio and got him effortlessly. She loves to drawn men into her web and let them go when she sees fit. She floats about with her wild mane, captivating any man who lays eyes on her. She is the Spider; she hunts but never chases…She meshes well with Angela.

Angela:

Angela is the philosopher. She loves to talk about the Universe and the Law of Attraction. She is highly spiritual and extremely open minded to learn more about anything positive. She is into numerology, Orishas and many other things. She is the one who loves to read and journal. She is a deep thinker. She is the one who will make sure her energy is right before she does anything. She will blow your mind with her wisdom. Most men are not ready of Angela. She is a teacher. Once she gets rolling that is IT! She gets off on a tangent about the Universe and hopes the man can keep up. It is SO intriguing to her when a man can hang! Most cant but she loves it when a man is interested in doing so. Angela, like Moana is working on manifesting her equal…Angela craves to be taught just like Moana craves to be nurtured and like Leana craves to be ravaged…

Sasha:

Sasha is the firmer side of Angela. Sasha is the one who will cut anyone off who is not making her feel good. Sasha is the one who refuses to allow Cidney chase anyone. She is the one who firmly understands that her happiness is HER job and will not allow herself to go on an emotional roller coaster with any man. She is clear on the fact that she does not NEED any of the external lovers. She will say things like:

" You do not have the power to effect how I feel in a negative way"

”Well if you have an issue with my lovers then I don’t know what to tell you.”

"If you can appreciate the best woman you have ever met then that sucks for you."

She is blunt and she means what she says. She has the same wisdom as Angela she is just the enforcer of it; Angela reads the books. Sasha implements. She can come across sassy. She is cut and dry. Cidney can be all into a man and the minute he stops being attentive, Sasha will get rid of the feeling of attachment. When he returns, Mother will shower him with unconditional love. Sasha is strong and she has no problem taking over when needed. This was made clear last week when a lover said “I cant control you, you are too strong for that.”

He was right and wrong. The context of the conversation was sex; Leana would be submissive to him but Sasha would not. She is not soft like Mother and Moana. She is Sasha and Sasha does not play when it comes to Cidney’s well being.

Cidney:

Iam the host here LOL. I am whatever is left over from the others. I am extremely multi-talented and artsy! I can sing, write and act. I am very creative! I love anything dealing with the arts!

I am driven and all around legendary. I was born to be great and to change the lives of millions. I am the millionaire, the dreamer, the visionary, the Best Selling Author. I am outspoken the one who firmly stands behind EVERYTHING I believe in. I am the one who loves all of my layers because they make up who I am. I am complex as you can see. I am the one who loves those ladies so much that I can write blog after blog with not a lack of shame! I am the number 8…I am more powerful than words can express…

All of these distinct personalities make up the one they call Cid.

Each lover stimulates different of parts of me…

August and Leana get along so very well. They are in love with one another. Leana loves him because she can never be too sexual for him. He always can hang. August does not tend to Moana at all. He does not know how. That is just not how he is. However, August does a wonderful job of taking care of Cidney. Anytime she needs him he is there. I lost count of how much money August has given me for various things over the past year. He likes to come and fix things around the house for me and he used to do the same with my old car. It is easy to forget that August is married. He is usually very available to me. He has been non-monogamous his whole life but would be great at truly being poly. He is wonderful at taking care of two women. I guess in same ways he does look after Moana…August sees parts of Mother but he is to “manly” to fully appreciate her. He doesn’t like to be catered to and that is exactly what Mother does. However, it is Mother who loves him unconditionally. He is much to cynical to hang with Angela. Angela quickly gets irritated with him so they do not bond much. Trixie is always around, no one is excluded from dealing with her.

Antonio is the one who made Moana’s existence very clear to me yet I do not reveal her to him as often as you might think. Quite frankly, Antonio, due to his own guarded nature, has hurt Moana’s fragile feelings more than once so she draws herself back in her crib and sends someone else to deal with him. Spider woman got Antonio to send the text message that started all of this but at times I am not sure who is keeping him around. I think its a combination of all of us. Though he may not admit it, he loves Mother and her unwavering admiration of him. Surprisingly enough, the sex worker is the one who neglects and rejects Leana the most. Leana does not like to come out for Antonio. She is not well received which is annoying to her so she sends someone else to deal with him (just like Moana does when he hurts her feelings.) Leana is usually completely ignored by Antonio so she goes and finds comfort in August. He never lets her down. Sasha has had to come to Moana’s rescue a few times. However, when Antonio says something sweet Mother forgets all about what caused Sasha to appear and picks up right where she left off in loving him. Trixie loves it when he is in his playful moods! He is very funny when he wants to be and Trixie eats it up! Antonio shows no interest in Angela directly but Angela is very interested in him. Angela is all about personal growth and Antonio’s main function is just that! Antonio challenges Angela more than any other lover. He does not make loving him easy but it is still an amazing thing! Maybe that’s why we love him so, he is forcing all of us to grow. So, Antonio mainly gets Mother,Sasha,Angela and Trixie (and Moana in moderation because Moana does not feel 100% safe with him yet even though she so desires for him to embrace her) Mother will patiently love him unconditionally until he is ready to truly find and adore Moana.

Sheena and Angela mesh well. Angela is all about the mental and spiritual connections and Sheena stimulates her there. Leana likes Sheena too but that only goes so far. Sheena just likes to flirt with no real action to Leana gets bored with her. Mother loves everyone and Moana would love to come out when the time is right as well.

Cash stimulates each one. That is why he is “The One Who Loves Me Most”. He was immediately available to her emotionally, which Cidney loves! He allowed Mother to give her love and support and he was able to receive it all. He tends to Moana so well. She can tell him she misses him and loves him as many times as she wants and its always returned with appreciation. She is always “baby this and baby that” with Cash and that never gets old to her. He makes her breakfast, sacrifices for her and he allows her to be as physically affection with him as she wants.Though he is not Angela’s equal, she appreciates the fact he is interested in learning more about The Law Of Attraction. Leana ADORES HIM because he is willing to grant all of her sexual wishes!They can go from serious to sexual and Cash never misses a beat. He is willing to allow her to sleep with his sexy friends. My Cash is perfect for me in many ways. Cash is my King. One day we will Marry. I truly do love him.

Well! Now you know me better then most who talk to me everyday.

I possess with in my heart a treasure chest of all things pleasurable. All of the things a man’s soul yearns for. All of the things dreams are made of. What dwells within me is enough unconditional love, support and warmth that can easily smother planet Earth, Saturn and Mars. Most importantly is I am more than willing to share this love with anyone who is ready to receive it. Most do not know how to unlock the flood gates of the pure positive love that resides in my beautiful heart. I will share the key with you right now.

That key is Moana.

She requires a certain kind of love. She needs the love and care of a new born. He (they) who nurtures her shall receive the best of each part of me and Sasha will never have to emerge.

Writing this had me in deep thought both during and after. It made me realize how few people truly know all of me and how much I desire to be known by those I want to be known by…I want all of my lovers to take a true interest in the Magnificent Being they each have the pleasure of sharing direct energy with. Do I believe they all love and care for me? Absolutely! However, none of them truly realize what the have and how fortunate they are to have me. None of the realize how much pure warmth they have available to them through me. And that is perfectly fine because though none of them do individually but as a unit…they see it clear as day. (I wonder who all will catch that.)

None other like me exists nor ever will.

None of them can ever reject me. They can only their own growth.

I am not of this dimension…takes a special group of men to merge with me in the way that is in store for me.

Soon you will meet three more of my other lovers and things will make more since to you now that you have read this blog.

Do I have a lover (s)who has mastered the art of loving Moana?

Who is this King(s)?

There will be more introductions coming soon. All you need to do is stay tuned….

Copyright 2014 Cidney G. Green