"I Require A Certain Kind of Love" Part TWO (Blog#8)

*To all new “Total Liberation Readers”, this blog is a continuation. Do not begin here. Please scroll to blog number one to better follow the story line-Thanks for reading=-)*

I was sitting in the middle of my bed fighting back tears as Antonio’s voice was blaring in my ear. He was saying things I knew but had ignored. Was I a fool or had I truly been led on? I was confused and my heart was hurting.

" In a way I kinda wish it didn’t happen. You are in Louisiana and I am in Baltimore and I have no plans of relocating. So, I don’t see myself really putting forth the effort to make you happy."

Baby Moana had been severely wounded.

"Okay." I said, trying to play it cool but loosing the battle with fighting my stubborn tears. I quickly wiped them and spoke in a voice and tone that hid the evidence of any emotion and said.

"Honestly, I feel led on." I said sincerely.

" I did not even ask you the questions I ask when I want to take it there." He said as If he had prepared to say these hurtful words."I did not ask you if you had ever been with any other dancers and that is the first think I ask when I meet a woman in the club. And when you tried to start sexual conversations you did not get any conversation from me. I thought we were spending the night to discuss music. Had I known it was going to be romantic I would have made sure I had my own room."

The baby inside me began kicking, screaming and wailing. She had revealed herself and now she felt like she was being torn apart.

When he said that I couldn’t help it, I had to allow a long tear to fall from my eye. I felt so stupid. I should have known…I thought back on the morning after he made love to me as if he wanted me to fly to Baltimore and leave my life in Louisiana behind for good.

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A fellow dancer of his roomed with him but was gone all night. We did not see him until the morning when I awoke in Antonio’s arms.

I remember awaking and looking up at Antonio. He was awake and was looking straight at the ceiling. He was mysterious in many ways. I wondered what he was thinking. His arm was under my head where I last left it. He shifted. I asked was he okay. He said “Yea, just trying to get circulation back into my arm.”

"Oh!" I said "I’m sorry" and started to get up and he quickly said "No, No, your fine." as if he wanted me to remain close to him. I relaxed and settled back into his arms.

(I wished we were at my house so I could so could have shown him my gratitude for the body worship he showered me with the night before. Had he been in my world he would have woken up with his clothes neatly folded and placed somewhere easy for him to find. I would have them made him breakfast and brought it to him in bed. I would have loved to watch him enjoy some southern food prepared with the main ingredient being love. And then I would have topped it off with my mouth wrapped around his dick until he begged me to stop…You know basic shit;)

Soon his roomie returned. I had met him before but this time I was naked in the bed with his best friend. My breasts were exposed and he saw them.

I covered myself. I really did not care about his friend seeing me nude (its not because I desired him because I truly did not) but I did it out of respect for Antonio.

They talked a bit and I got up to go shower.

I was in the shower washing my pussy when I felt eyes on me. I turned and looked behind me and saw the only man that can make me melt just by looking at him. I don’t mean to sound too shallow but my God, he truly was the most physically perfect man I have ever laid eyes on.

He was eyeing me up and down; giving me that stare he was giving the big bootied female dancer two years ago. Except this time he had a sexy smile on his face and his full attention was on me.

I continued slowly washing my pussy with my leg up on the edge on the tub as I looked back and forth at him. I couldn’t stare too long without looking away. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that look in his eyes when he is lusting.

"Are you going to join me or just stare at me all morning?" I asked with a smile.

He just grinned, shrugged and grabbed my lower back/waist with one hand.

I told him he was weird. (LOL he is! Certain things he does are just odd. I tell him that all the time to this day.)

Next thing I knew he was washing my back in the shower and I am washing his. Having the towel caress my back was cool but having his strong hands on me beat that hands down.

Being in the shower with him gave me the opportunity to witness his glory up close. Seeing it on stage was one thing but this was a real treat. He wasmagnificent. It seemed like the water was running down his body in slow motion. I ran my hands over his flawless dark brown skin that was tightly pulled over his hard chiseled abdominal muscles. His abs looked like a big ass ice tray. There was not a time that I appreciated the male physique more than I did at that very moment.

We had no care in the world has we embraced in the shower. We were facing each other and he had his arms wrapped around my body. I melted into him. At this time we were not kissing or anything we were just…enjoying each other.

I looked up at him and he gave a caring kiss on my forehead. My heart fluttered.He was so tender with me. He made me want to submit to him emotionally. This man could have me wrapped around his finger if he wanted.

I was caressing his face…is neck…his chest …his back. He is doing the same to me.

Mother was honored to show her tender affection and Moana adored the feeling of receiving what Mother was giving in return.

He grabbed my face with both hands and we kissed.Our tongue danced nice and slow. My breath stopped for a moment. What was he doing to me??

I grabbed the soap and began “washing” his dick and balls. I loved the feeling of his girth in my hand and the texture of his sac. I was stroking his dick using the suds of the soap as lubrication. He put his face near my ear so I can hear the intensity of his breathing increasing as he reached down and found what I had hidden between my legs.I felt that silky stuff oozing from my yoni again.

He had awakened Leana. She craved the sound of his moans and she would do anything for however long she needed to in order to hear them.

Leana started to passionately lick and kiss all over his body. From his neck… to his chest…to his…8 pack…down to what her mouth had been watering for…that precious cock of his. It was like something out of a movie. The shower was pumping out warm water that steamed up the entire room. The water felt like love that was converted into steamy lust.

Leana sat down on the edge of the tub and took her time with her prize. She started with his balls; gently licking and sucking on them. Leana loved the taste of him.

Then she moved her hot mouth to the side of his shaft and ran her mouth up and down as if she was playing a harmonica; slurping and sucking, sucking licking and slurping. Her tongue never sat still as she gave the other side of his shaft the same treatment. Leana lifted up his dick and noticed that that big vein that ran down the center of his dick needed her attention. She made sure it felt extremely loved. Then she suddenly attacked the head of his dick with her tongue, jaws and lips. He let out a moan that made her pussy drip even more. She went from hands to no hands. From his dick to his balls. She got his cock as far down her throat as she could. My goal was worship.

He began thrusting his pelvis to meet her face. The sound of water drowned out her sincere moans. Leana touched her pussy as he gently stroked her face just like he did her pussy less that eight hours ago.

Leana was in her zone when she felt him pull away from me. She felt like a baby that just got its bottle taken away. She wanted it back. She was tempted to reach for it but before she could he was out of the shower.

Leana followed suite.

He gently bent her over the bathroom counter and she knew what was next. Her favorite part of all:

THAT DIZZICK!!!

Leana began grabbing at random shit on the counter as he grabbed hold of her hips and stroked her pussy right. Damn it this mofo would not leave her G-Spot be! Leana could not see him through the foggy mirror but she would bet her last dollar that he was moving his body just like he did on stage night after night. He grabbed her shoulder to dig deeper inside her as he hit it at just the right speed. Leana grabbed his hand put it around her neck but he wouldn’t squeeze. Rough choking type sex wasn’t his thing and she forgot that for a moment. She later realized that having multiple lovers would be quite boring if they all made love the same way.

He kept stroking her yoni in a way that made her entire vaginal canal feel like one big G-Spot. She moaned Antonio’s name as her legs trembled. She never wanted this to end.She loved his hands on her. She loved being close to him. She loved how he would grab her hand on hold on tight. The air contained the perfect mixture of lust, emotion and desire. Her moans were soft yet serious as she fought back tears of pleasure and emotion. She had never experienced a man who could be so gentle yet firm, so dominate yet sweet. She could tell by the way she was feeling that given just a little more time with Antonio she would be head over heels; yielding to him any and everything he could ever want and need. Leana whimpered as Antonio grunted as they came hard together.

For the first time a man had managed to make love to Leana and Moana…at the same damn time

After we finished I reached down and noticed how wet I was.

"Is this me or you?” I asked.

"That’s all you, I had a condom on." He said with a smile.

We washed up, he had to catch his flight and I had to get to work. We walked to the lobby, kissed good bye and we left.

Moana got the tender affection she craved. Mother go to shower him with her warmth and Leana got the orgasms she craved. All of this was the recipe for love…

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Later that night he sent me a Glide message and everything went on as normal. The consistency did not stop. I still got my good morning messages.

Up until a couple of nights before that game changing conversation, that is.

I was on edge. I had not talked to Antonio in a whole day and it was messing with me. I was attached. I was missing him. Had he left me?

This is when It was clear that I still had more work to do. I should not be feeling this way this. You see, he had too much “control” over my vibrations (how I felt). My day was just not going right until spoke to him. This may seem harmless to many but for me it brought back memories of being dependent on men for happiness. I had worked too hard to go back to that 16 years old girl again. My happiness was my responsibility, not his. He helped me remind of that.

So, I decided to talk to him about it.

Now sure how the conversation began but it ended up with me in tears.

"That’s cool" Sasha said nonchalantly ”We don’t have to ever be intimate again. Usually I would be all upset but now all I can say is “that sucks for you.”’

I sounded convincing but I began to review our relationship in my mind. I did not get it. I thought he liked me. Good morning and good night text messages? EVERYDAY??? Calling me beautiful regularly? Love Making? Long four play? “He is so wrong!” I thought! “He knew I liked him! I made that clear! He told me I was beautiful more than once! He was complimenting me often and he never went a day without talking to me”

Then the other side of it came into play. I thought ” Well, he never asked me about my relationship status. He never got into sexual conversations with me. He never called me baby or any other pet name as much as I call him various pet names… He had sex with me because I offered it. The daily greetings meant nothing, he was just being nice. He did not care if his friend saw me naked. Now that I think about it, he did not do very much at all. Maybe I just saw what I wanted to see…maybe I led myself on.”

That conversation also revealed that he was not interested in an open relationship.

After that conversation I had to fight not to use this as validation that I had failed once again at getting a man I truly desired.

It had been so long since I had felt the pain of hurt feelings and I did not know how to handle it.

This only happens when Moana comes out to play. She had come out of her crib for him. She does not do that often at all which is why the emotional discomfort I felt hit me hard. She thought she had found her “daddy” in Antonio. She is very fragile and she had just taken some serious blows. She was in critical conditional.

That’s when Sasha told Moana:"RETREAT RETREAT! Back into your crib you go! Its safe there. Antonio can’t hurt you there! I will handle this!" Moana, while still hurting relaxed a bit. Sasha would come to the rescue in no time…

That’s when I realized that I truly cared for him. He was the first man in years who had been THAT consistent with me. I had gotten used to talking to him daily. It hurt but I had to begin the healing process. I had to overcome my separation anxiety.

It was over.

I sniffled as slowly took my clothes off. Now was as vulnerable physically as I felt emotionally. I turned off the light in my room crawled in my crib and curled up into a tight ball under the covers.

Moana whimpered pitifully as she endured the feelings of rejection, confusion and stupidity…

Sasha’s protective yet soothing voice became clear as day “Just go to sleep Baby Moana, in the morning things will be better.”

Moana nodded and drifted into a troubled slumber as she prepared herself for the absence of that “Good Morning” text that used to fill her with so much joy.

"It’s over, but its okay." was the last thing Moana heard Sasha whisper lovingly in her ear…

What happened the next day truly shocked me!

And just in case you have not noticed; poly people get hurt too…

(To Be Continued)

Copyright 2014 Cidney G. Green