I Am The Modern Day Nola Darling (Blog#2)

*To all new “Total Liberation Readers,” this blog is a continuation. Do not begin here. Please scroll to blog number one to better follow the story line-Thanks for reading=-)*

Recently, I watched the epic film “She’s Gotta Have it” by Spike Lee and saw myself all in Nola Darling. I respect her boldness and unwillingness to accept the idea that she was sick or a “freak” just because she had the balls to live the life that she chose to. She was young. She was free. She was loved. She was liberated. Sounds just like me.

Another thing I loved, was that all of the men truly cared for her. She was not just a “good time”. She was valued by all of her lovers because she was incredibly special.

Even though Nola was not monogamous like her lovers, sometimes she wished she was. I think her strong sense of self was a huge part of, what not only drew her lovers to her, but what kept them around even when it got tough. They loved her unconditionally…as did she.

What many disregard about living this life is that in order to attract people that love you unconditionally, YOU must adore YOU, minus the conditions. That goes for any type of relationship. However, the level of security that is required to be poly is something serious! This is not a one way street. My lovers have lovers as well and I am not bothered by that at all. As a matter of fact, I completely support it because I know love is not something that can be taken from me because it is what I AM! I have no use for the feeling of jealously because there is no comparison or replacement for Cidney Green. The bond I share with each lover is OUR bond, and the only ones that can screw it up would be US! Love is abundant…it was never designed to be rationed.

Lets take this a step further:

In my opinion, one of the cruelest things you can do to your mate is limit the amount of love they can receive. You have no way of knowing how someone or something makes another person feel!I would never tell another, “You CANNOT love her or connect with her in any way! ONLY ME.”Not only is that an uncontrollable condition, but it is down right cruel!She could help him in many ways. Mentally, Spiritually, Sexually, Emotionally, Financially, etc. and I have no way of knowing the true extent of the connection! (When I say this, I am not insinuating my own inadequacy by any means.)All I need to know is that she gives him a feeling he enjoys. And seeing him happy adds to my own happiness. WHY would I want to interfere with that again?! Hell, his connection with HER could benefit me in many ways! You never know!

When more people stop trying to put a choke hold, death grip on love, like it’s some non-renewable resource, and realize that love is ABUNDANT AND LIMITLESS, then they can get out of the “starvation” mode and experience what UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is SUPPOSED to feel like!

Now that I got that off of my chest, lets get to the real MEAT (pun intended;-)

I am the modern day Nola Darling.

Just like you got to get to know Nola’s lovers, now you will get to know mine.

All of them give me different feelings. All of them are dear to me. They all represent different parts of how I am. They all challenge me in different ways. They all make love to me differently. No one comes second and I pride myself on the fact that if I never told these men that they were not the only ones, they genuinely would not know any different based on how I treat them. I think that’s how it should be.

Meet August, Cash, Antonio, Lorenz and Tate.

August is the passionate cynical sexy barber who represents my intense sexual side. He is my “provider” and not just of his cock! He was the one who supported me financially during one of the worst periods of my life. If I needed something, he was and still is there for me. He was the first man to show me that men not only are supposed to pay for things, but WILL. I had been on countless dates where the man picked up the tab, but I never had a man give me gas, bill and grocery money before.

You see, before August and I became intimate, we were friends for a year. I met him while selling coffee at his shop about 2 years ago. He was sexy, but the main thing about him was that he was HILARIOUS! He was the typical barber; loud and always debating about something…passionately of course. Listening to his debates showed me that he was very intelligent and that’s always a plus! However, I wasn’t sexually or romantically attracted to August at first.

Going to the barbershop was always a relief because I had to spend most of my time as this “business woman” and when I was in August’s shop, I got to be myself.

As time went on, he showed me the kind of person he was. Even though we had each others phone numbers, we never spoke outside the shop. Yet, anytime I would ask for something he would do it for me. I always want food (I’m fat on the inside) and without even touching me he always fed me and bought me smoothies. I remember one time, he dropped money off by my house and left, because I wanted something to eat and he could not come with me like we had planned.

"Wow" I thought. But at the time, I was all wrapped up in another man who ended up putting me through lots of emotional…Growth! LOL!

So the months rolled by and I began looking at him differently. I began to notice his gorgeous facial structure, his sexy smile, and his strong arms with sharp elbows. I began exploring his body with my eyes and imagination. Even though he was about 5’6, I remember thinking, “He looks like he has a big dick.” Then, I began to recall the many sex conversations I heard in there . According to those, not only was he a freak, but that dick was golden as well.

Still, I hesitated. Why? Oh yea, I forgot to mention; August is married.

Now, before you judge (which I am sure you will), I sought counsel on this from a poly coach of mine Rakhem Seku. I asked him, “Is it wrong to desire a married man?”

He said, “Only if you believe it is.”

At the time I did not fully get it.

"His relationships are not your business." He told me plainly.

"WOW," I thought.

Would you like to know the main reason I chose to begin this affair with August?

Some nights we would just sit and talk at his shop after all his clients had left. He would tell me about his marriage and his affairs. August had never been faithful to a woman. It is just not in him.

He told me details about his current love affair. His other lover and he had been dating for about two years. He told me about the trips they would take and the things he would do for her etc.

"Wow" I thought. "I have never had a man do those things for me."

At the time, I was in a situation in which I was not getting my needs met. I was giving 10,000% and receiving 0.1% in return. Even though I am much more advanced now, I knew that if I could experience the feelings of support, love, etc., then I would be able to attract it. August was designed to be an experiment.

I am not the type of woman to keep things to myself for long. At this time, both of our love affairs had ended. So, I told him exactly what I just revealed to you.

We talked about this before we did anything physical. I was clear.

"I want to see what it feels like to have a man do those things for me. I am attracted to you, yes. But I have to know how that feels."

He warned me that those who got involved with him in the past were never the same.

I decided to take my chances.

Next thing you know, I am in his car outside the shop with his head between my legs. His boldness turned me the fuck on. I love public sex already, but the fact that he would do this right outside his work place made blood rush to my clit even faster. August simply did not give a fuck and that’s what I loved about him. He was so passionate and dominate! Grabbing my thighs, letting out little grunts here and there. The fact that this was “wrong” excited the hell out of me. When he finished and grabbed the back of my neck and kissed me like he had been wanting to kiss me for a decade. I felt desired. I felt sexy. I felt the beginnings of an addiction…

That’s another thing about me. I have an addictive personality. When something feels good, I want it again and again! I do it with meals…I will get hooked on a dish and won’t let it be! Knowing that about myself, I knew I was in trouble. August was fine, generous, and could eat the hell out of a pussy. I wanted more…and I was gonna get it. The “August Effect” has begun.

Believe it or not, I was still a bit unsure about this affair even after our hot time in the car. I wanted to keep it “safe” so, I would just do oral sex with him at first. (He likes to do it to me. I can count on one hand how many times I have sucked his dick. He likes to be in control and I love to let him.)

But, pretty soon all that went out the window, and quickly I found out I was right…that dick was huge, thick and just the right length. I loved to grab it through his basketball shorts. I loved how quickly it responded to me. August had total pussy control. To this day, he always gets his way with me. I never tell him no.

August gave me the most passionate sex I have ever had. He loved to tell me how good I felt and how beautiful I was. He likes fucking this “young pussy” LOL (He is about 16 years older than me.) I love the way he so effortlessly maneuvers me into different positions. I felt like I weighed about 12 pounds. He is so skilled with his stroke. So deep. He knew just how to shift it to make it feel wonderful to me. He has obviously had much practice and I can appreciate that. He made me realize that I adore promiscuous men. I love the fact that he has fucked so many women and has this lust for pussy. I love how he throws that dick around. So lusty…Me lovey =-)

Now that you know how August and I came to be, lets bring you up to speed.

August and I have been though some challenges of course. At one point he had become distant and I was wondering why.

Because August and I were friends first, I had become accustomed to sharing everything with him. So I would tell him everything about me and my other lovers as if i was talking to a girlfriend. At first he seemed to be cool with it but I quickly learned that August did not quite know how to handle it.

So, I went from seeing him 3-4 times a week, to once or twice. I asked him why and he basically told me, “he does not feel like he needs to be as attentive because I have other lovers and therefore he did not feel he needed to rush to get back to me.”

I had to explain to him what most do not understand: Each bond is DIFFERENT. Just because I entertain other men does not mean I “have no use for you.”

"According to you" I told him, "because I have someone to hold me and spend time with me, this means I do not need you. You have a wife who does "xyz" for/with you. So, if I felt like you, I would not be dealing with you at all, because you have no use for me. Even though you have her, I give you a different feeling that you like which is why you keep me in your life, right?"

In that debate, I also realized more than ever that August is in that “hairy” area that most people are. He is what we call NON-MONOGAMOUS. It is a nice way of saying he desires more than one woman, but is not honest about it. That’s most men and women. They do not believe they can have both; a loving committed, fulfilling, loyal relationship and NOT be “monogamous” at the same time. I beg to differ. He, like most, finds it easier to lie than to be who they are openly. That sucks for them. I know better.

After a long conversation, we got it together but I told him that I would no longer be as open with him because he functions better when he feels like he is the only one. So for a while, I mentioned no other man to him. I have just recently begun sharing more with him again.

He is the one who did my eyebrows before I went to Miami to see Cash. He knew just who I was going to be with and they support each other.

I saved the BEST news for last! After our many debates and all this time with each other, I have begun to rub off on him. He and his wife are now exploring a more open marriage! He told me they have been going to strip clubs together and have had two threesomes! This is a great start! Obviously, she had been wanting some freedom as well!

Sadly, most relationships end unnecessarily. Instead of ending it because someone wants to experience someone else, why not actually WORK to effectively communicate and try to understand one another. Why not work to remove the feelings of jealously, so that you can come to accept alternative relationship styles? Monogamy is not the only way.

It was never my wish for their marriage to end. I wished that he would be more honest with her about his desires and he did! Now, they are on their way! He seems happier in his marriage and I am sure she is too.

He is not the only one who changed for the better. Thanks to August, I have become accustomed to men providing for me. Now, it is nothing to attract a man who wants to pay for things. My experiment worked. =-)

See? Sometimes affairs can be very beneficial and can actually SAVE a marriage…I hope to meet her one day. It will happen soon enough as long as they continue to make BABY STEPS!

C.Green-

(To Be Continued)

Copyright 2014 Cidney G. Green